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[22 Aug 2007|08:27pm]

for reals.
1 .kill it.| .♥.

[02 Aug 2007|04:34pm]

i won't be using livejournal anymore. You can find me at the above address.

[19 Jul 2007|08:02pm]
i have succeeded at everything in life so far except love.

i will always love too hard and too fast...always get hurt too deeply too soon...and always see the warning signs and yet i still throw my hands in the air and try to tell myself it will be different this time, with this person, in this place.
3 .kill it.| .♥.

[18 Jul 2007|10:16am]
i starting walking to work today...then i just turned around and went back home. i have an excellent work-ethic.

[05 Jul 2007|02:39pm]

That's my apartment. If you need a place to live in Chicago, hit me up. Otherwise, harrass everyone you know to rent mine. Thanks!

[03 Apr 2007|11:21pm]
"I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."

ps- thanks jmf!

[17 Mar 2007|04:24pm]
The other night i was walking home and really wanted to talk to someone. i felt that in that moment, i my tiny world, i needed someone to talk me into living. I needed someone to breathe life into me and give me hope. i had no one to turn to, no number to call. I thought of two people that i don't talk to, and they were the only people i wanted to talk to. Neither of their numbers are even in my phone anymore.

i am so alone here, and it's all my fault. And it's fine. It's fine, but i'm not. I am more broken than i ever wanted to own up to, and even now i don't honestly want to own up to the feeling of snapping in two.

I can't remember what it feels like to be content or calm. I feel completely overwhelmed; all my thoughts are choked with questions.

I read this in a book that isn't even about love -

"Renee loved to do things. That was mysterious to me, since I was more comfortable talking about things and never doing them. She liked passion. She liked adventure. I cowered from passion and talked myself out of adventure. Before I met her, I was just another hermit world boy, scared of life, hiding in my room with my records and fanzines. One of Renee’s friends asked her, “does your boyfriend wear glasses?” She said, “no, he wears a Walkman.” I was a wallflower who planned to stay that way. Suddenly, I got all tangled up in this girl’s noisy, juicy, sparkly life. Without her, I didn’t want to do anything. Except keep being good at Renee. You know the song about Colonel Tom Parker, after Elvis died? The Colonel said, “Hell, I’ll keep right on managing him.” That’s how I felt. Every tree in the woods, every car that passed me on the road, every song on the radio all seemed to be Gloria Grahame at the end of The Big Heat, asking the same question: “what was your wife like?” It was the only conversation I was interested in.

I wanted to be her guy forever and ever. I always pictured us growing old together, like William Holden and Ernest Borgnine in The Wild Bunch, side by side in our sleeping bags, drinking coffee and planning the next payroll heist. "

That is what i want. I don't know anyone who wouldn't want that. I want someone to want to be with me. Not just because it's easy or convenient, but because he wants to. I don't want to be forgotten about in conversations, and i'm not selfish for wanting life this way.

I was talking to an older boy the other day who doesn't know anything about me. It took me only one or two responses for him to ask, "you don't like fun? do you?" me: "no. it makes me uncomfortable." I don't want to be that way. i don't want to feel broken and on edge. i want to wake up in the morning and not feeling like i am taking on the entire goddamn universe each day.
2 .kill it.| .♥.

[25 Feb 2007|12:59am]
So reviews are out, or is it "in" ? hmm. they are good, except for the eerie comment which makes me feel awkward like no other.

"The Patty Burger logo is a pinup who looks like Bettie Page's redheaded stepsister, decked in full diner-waitress regalia and wielding a spatula as if it were a riding crop for naughty burger-eaters. And according to the Patty Burger website manifesto, "She's fresh, she's hot, and she's stacked." Clearly the target demographic at Patty Burger is frat boy."

"The restaurant's interior will display the theme of a "'60s pinup girl", Patty, whose image will greet customers as they walk in."

"And despite the eerie portraits of Patty in sassy poses, the place’s clean and trendy design should draw a strong crowd."

"The restaurant concept nods back to the diners and soda fountains of the 1950s, with the Patty icon herself resembling the classic pinup girl, says Majewski."

"Here, however, the foil is topped off with a sticker showing a lipstick kiss, apparently from "Patty" whose adorns everything, including the signage outside. Patty also is the "author" of a "handwritten" message that appears printed on each napkin and promises that she "delivers," whether at your place or hers."

[27 Jan 2007|10:09pm]
the death of my friend andrew bought back a lot of communication with people who i haven't spoke to in years. i got a phone call today from bay city. the last time a bay city area code was in my phone it was when i was breaking up with someone in the beg. part of 9th grade. and it really got me thinking.

the boy i always considered my "first love" said something about his first love being at te funeral. ....i did not go, so clearly it wasn't me. Infact, he even went so far as to say, "i know i was your first love, but you weren't mine." Which got me thinking, fuck that. He wasn't my first love.

And in looking back i never had a great, first love. I've had lots of imporant men/boys in my life who have all left me - or i left them - for one reason or another. But looking back, none of them mattered. Sure, in the moment they were great and meant everything. But looking back, they weren't important. Which is really depressing. So i guess my frist real love, was ryan. is that possible? that seems impossible. i guess it's possible.

ps. oh ya, it also got me thinking that love is a fucking waste. and that people should stop dying on me.

[22 Jan 2007|11:56pm]
Today I walked to school. It was the first day, of my last semester as a college junior. For luck, I got to carry all my schoolgirl stuff in an authentic, expensive (borrowed) Louis Vuittion messenger bag. Girls who never would approach me under normal circumstances thought I was cool and actually spoke to me. It turned out to be quite a social experiment.

I might be the only person who is willing to admit the following. I’m totally into “I Love NewYork” on VH1. If NY doesn’t want Mr. Boston, I’ll take him. He gave her a lap dance, he’s a jew, and makes 6 figures at 26. .. can it be any clearer? Is she fucking retarded? I kid! It’s not all about sex, money and religion, I suppose. If she tosses him off the show he better get his own damn dating show.

2007 life update.

+Lofted part of the bedroom. Now there is a second level to the room. Probably the most kick ass thing that will happen all year. Or any year. Bragging picture-proof is below.

+/- School started back up. Here are my classes. Not that anyone cares, but everyone else posts their classes via lj and I want to be cool too.(p.r. for cases and crisis management, p.r. writing intensive, p.r. for special events and promotions, oral history: the art of interviewing, p.r. for social change communications, integrated marketing communications).

- My parents sold the pt cruiser. It was never “my” car, so I’m not upset about it. It’s just depressing to know that I can never go home and drive anything around seeing as how, well, there is nothing for me to drive anymore.

+/- I’ve been listening to Wind It Up, Gwen Stefanit’s new single, way too much.

+! The L Word started up once again. Shaneshaneshane.
hothothotCollapse )

+ I am almost finished with my fuckin' Chuck Klosterman book, “a decade of curious people and dangerous ideas.” Finally. I have been busy and sidetracked and frankly did not want to read at all over “break.” I will be glad to be done with this, not that it isn’t good, (the brief on Britney spears was very interesting) but I saw a book about mixed tapes and I want to read it very badly. Haha.

- I’m working again. Ugh. Thursdays and Fridays. However, last Friday my boss was in L.A. so I bought the Back to the Future Trilogy with me and watched movies the entire day. Oh, and ordered delivery. ..and painted my nails. And talked on the office phone for over an hour. But! Apparently, my boss actually hired other college eye candy and that cunt starts working this week so I won’t be able to get away with stuff like that anymore.

- another past friend of mine, from when I was very young and impressionable, has died. This is the second time, in less than a year, that I had to use myspace to let people know about someone’s death.

(suicide update: the person was a man. He did it on new years eve. He bleed out for days. Me and dante and bia and ryan all went on with ours days having absolutely no clue. walking right near his apartment, clueless.)

what makes my house, my houseCollapse )

post script.

Helen lee! Your letters are in the mail lady. Thank you for the snow.
6 .kill it.| .♥.

no, kill me! [11 Jan 2007|12:08am]
So i live here, http://www.smith-field.com/northstate.html , which is called the Woolworths building... supposedly. However, i live here and don't call it that so i don't know who the fuck else does.

for those of you who don't know it's a condo building; my landlord isn't anyone else's landlord because he owns and then like sublets it to me type.o.fdeal.

So last night 10 or so cops were hanging outside a unit a few doors down from me. For 6 hours they were there! I kid you not. six! This morning, they were back again. I saw a dude who cleans the carpet and was like, "hey do you know what happened down the hall from me?" he said no.

Since my landlord isn't the landlord of that particular unit i didn't call him and ask him.

...So i called the police station and asked. After a few minutes of bullshit i finally got through to a bitch who said, "Someone commited suicide. It's under investigation."

Needless to say now i am totally creeped out and never want to either: 1. come home, or 2. leave once i get inside.

And supposedly, his family had been trying to get a hold of him for a week, meaning he could have been chillin in there dead for a week.

so creepy. oh my god.

I had to ask someone else to take my garbage to the garbage shoot because i'm too scared to walk to that part of the hallway.
3 .kill it.| .♥.

apples and oranges [31 Dec 2006|01:37am]
So who has a more solid relationship?

The couple who has to be together for new years eve.... or the couple who isn't together?
1 .kill it.| .♥.

2006 [31 Dec 2006|01:28am]
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Went and got a tattoo alone.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think i made a new years resolution. And i doubt i will tomorrow. I'm on a five-year-plan, that's enough.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no.

4. Did anyone close to you die? not really. Someone from high school died and that was a little hard to hear.

5. What countries did you visit? canada? no, i don't think. I don't think i visited any country.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? confidence. inner peace. calmness in my casa.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Easy. 6-6-6. Because i got sooo sick that day, and me and ryan didn't get married.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? patty burger. yeah, that will be hard to top. (www.pattyburger.com)

9. What was your biggest failure? Friendships.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Hives, but that's nothing new.

11. What were the best things you bought? clothes i guess.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? no ones.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? a few people who used to be very dear to me. i hate sluts.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. 662.50 a month+ utilities.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Patty Burger opening. School starting. starting at Urban Outfitters (why! haha) My new computer.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Gnarls Barkley, "crazy." The lady that lived about the 426 Inc. office used to play it really loud on repeat..all day long.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? i hope i'm the same!
iii. richer or poorer? poorer fo sho.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? hang out with people.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? fighting.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? i spent it in Michigan.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006? No.

23. How many one-night stands? none.

24. What was your favorite TV program? I really like Drawn Together, but i only ever catch re-runs. The L Word this year sucked.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? a little. I have a lot more dissapointment in people than i do hate.

26. What was the best book you read? I didn't read anthing non-school related. I'm currently reading a Chuck Klosterman book.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? hmm. Throwdown? maybe. Because i used to really not like them, but now i do.

29. What did you want and not get? honesty. trust. a promise for a life together.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? no idea.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned twenty. I went to school and then I ate fake-sushi with Ryan off Mi Ave.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? friends.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Maybe less like a color-blind 15 year old; I'm trying to dress my age.

34. What kept you sane? sleep. bia. my mom on the other end of the phone.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? none. i'm really weird about celebrities and celeb crushes. I have a very stong disdain towards thinking of celebs as anything other than normal people, because that's what they are. So fuck that celeb obsession shit.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? The possible voting against Abortion & Gay Marriage.

37. Who did you miss? kristie j. alex m. kiara n. jessica d.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Katie, but she never hangs out with me. haha, or returns my calls.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: Don't depend on just one person to make you "happy" or "complete," because he/she will let you down and you will be lost. Do shit on your own so you don't depend on anyone else.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: no, i don't want to do this.

new years eve [28 Dec 2006|06:44pm]
Incase the bulletin on Bia's myspace wasn't seen, come to Chicago for New Years Eve and get drunk at my house. I promise it will be lots of fun even though i'm normally uptight. haha.

1.don't vomit at my house or i will be pissed and you'll be cleaning it up.
2.don't torture bia!!!
3.don't assume i have beer or other means of getting people drunk, i don't. There is a 7-11 across the street, buy your own, bitches!
4.if you plan to sleep at my place that's cool. Just don't stay a bunch of days because i got shit to do.

Contact me via email, ashleyaaspiranti@hotmail.com if you need the address/directions/phone number.
3 .kill it.| .♥.

[16 Dec 2006|11:01pm]
my semester of hell is over. if there is a g*d i will pass my math class and return to enjoying school instead of dreading it. Next semester i have five pr classes and one history class i'm taking for "fun." i can't believe how much my idea of fun has changed since i was sixteen.

i'm going home for a week for the holidays. i am totally looking forward to it, not. That was a "not" joke. Andy p. drove my car to Chicago because he's nice and even fixed a flat tire for me. I've had my car in the city twice, the first time i got a ticket for no real reason and this second time i got a flat. Chicago hates my Cruiser.

i made a list of goals i want to accomplish over the next five years. i'm on a five year plan. Due to public embarrassment i won't post my list via the internet, but i will brag that buying one of the following is totally in my 5 year plan -

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


i learned in all my pr classes thus far that creating buzz is super important.

6 .kill it.| .♥.

[06 Dec 2006|01:56pm]
I have developed "woman's intuition."

[05 Dec 2006|12:19am]
Next wed is my last day of class for this semester. my semester from hell will be over.

This past weekend i did all my math homework due next week. 90% of my Computer Assisted Reporting homework due next week. 95% of my P.R. for Politics and Government homework, due next week. I am almost done with everything. i think living alone makes me get shit done. Being alone also allowed me to take a bath at noon, with a cup of hot green tea while watching dvd's on my laptop. ... for 4 hours.

[22 Nov 2006|07:39pm]
A Letter to the Editor that I wrote and sent to the Chicago Tribune was printed. You can check it out here, http://newsblogs.chicagotribune.com/news_opinion_letters/2006/11/finding_your_ci.html

You can also check out the comments people made in response to my letter. These people are more vicious than you anon lj posters. haha.
3 .kill it.| .♥.

[07 Nov 2006|04:43pm]
I can't hold this in anymore,

Dear livejournal community,

A LOT is 2 words, not one. The word 'alot' does not exsist.

halloween [01 Nov 2006|01:13pm]
Halloween is over and that's so depressing.

Last halloween was so different than this one. No Mike this year, no Rex and no Ryan. No jack-o-lanterns along state street light posts. And no awesome halloween movie marathons on tv. I remember when i was little and the movie Witches always would air around halloween time. Remember that movie? I haven't seen that movie in years. Hocus Pocus also wasn't on tv, so i had to go out and buy the dvd just to make sure i watched it in time for halloween.

I wore my costume to school. I thought that since it was an art school other people also would have dressed up. I saw 3 other kids dressed up. Very dissapointing.

I went to the parade off belmont and it was badass. It was pretty cold and i decided that next year i want a costume that will be warm as fuck. Maybe a polar bear? haha. I met up with Andy Pietras's new lady friend, rachel. She is very nice and new to Chicago.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

.halloween town.Collapse )
8 .kill it.| .♥.

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